Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
worst night to have a conscience
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
