i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
