i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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