She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
