need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
