i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
