IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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