Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
