So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm really busy with my period
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