question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"