At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
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Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...