I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.