Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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