i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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