ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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