your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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