I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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