Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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