That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
