he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
