You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i think i just lost a toe
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
