There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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