How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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