this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
