Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
