This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
