Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
