This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
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I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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