how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
