What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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