Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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