Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We are all done wearing pants today
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
