we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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