i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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