I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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