Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
