if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
