Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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