And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So much Jack, so little girl.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
