What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
