you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
