Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
even my farts smell like vagina
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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