Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
