Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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