Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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