well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
