Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
