I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
birth control should be required to get into college
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
