shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
