Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
