We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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