he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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