I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I am available for nakedness
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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