I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
