this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
