Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My ass is underappreciated
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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