he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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