I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think my vagina is haunted
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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