I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
