The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
