i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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