i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize