She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
