I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
this is an emotional support booty call
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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