a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
