I CAN MOONWALK!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
