The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
