I cannot find my penis.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
