i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
